Sitting

Darren and I spend a lot of time sitting on our sofa. It seems our sofa has become the centre of our home, or at least the area we gravitated to when it's time to be together. While sitting on this sofa, sometimes we're eating dinner, sometimes we're watching a movie or television episode, sometimes we're playing Wii, sometimes we're listening to a podcast, sometimes we're reading, sometimes we're talking, and sometimes we're just sitting...together.

Every now and then, while sitting on the sofa, I'll reach over, grab Darren's hand and place it on my expanding stomach. Generally, at this point Bumpkin stops moving around, but every now and then Darren gets to feel a little kick or roll. Other times, while sitting on the sofa, Darren will spontaneously bend down and gently place a kiss near my belly button, often accompanied by a kind word or two for our little boy. Also on this sofa, out of the blue one of us might say something like "I can't wait to meet him," referring, of course to our still-developing son. Then we'll spend some time imagining our lives in the coming years. It's times like these that I really love our sofa.

There are times when, sitting on this sofa, I feel absolutely content and satisfied. Inevitably, reality hits, but it's much easier to deal with after some time on the sofa with my favourite.

I know our lives will be very different from the time our baby is born until...well...forever. These changes don't usually scare me; on the contrary, I am looking forward to them. We both are curious about our little one (and any siblings he may have in the future). We're excited to watch him grow, develop a personality, put sentences together, become interested in different hobbies, make friends, explore the world, find a girlfriend...the whole thing! I also know life post-Bumpkin will be full of challenging and frustrating times. But hopefully the most difficult of those times will come after having had some time sitting with my Darren on our sofa.

As an aside...
I have no idea what heaven is like, but I suspect it involves a feeling like I get sometimes on my sofa. And that makes me smile.

The challenge of children

I read this post today from a blog called 22 Words entitled "You've already donated, so now donate some more: The loving logic of a 5-year-old":

Me: We already sent some money.
Orison: I wanna send more.
Me: How much?
Orison: 52
Me: OK.
And so we did.

Reading this makes me excited and nervous about having kids. I hope we are challenged by them, and that we respond well to the challenges.

Questions

In my day-to-day living, I avoid over-exposure to the news. I find all-day news channels tend to ruminate on and sensationalize stories in order to fill up their 24 hours of coverage, and that frustrates me. As a result, I found out about the recent earthquake in Haiti via facebook status updates. I logged in to see if any of my friends were around for a chat, and discovered that one of the poorest countries in the world had been further devastated.

The few images from Haiti that I've seen remind me of the brevity of life, the fragility of our planet, the imbalance of power and wealth across our globe, and the insignificance of my own existance. All over the world there are people involved in a real struggle for survival while my husband and I contemplate the pros and cons of epidurals in childbirth from the safety and comfort of our lovely home.

The following questions were heard in our villa in the past few hours: "Do you want to see a movie this weekend? Why don't we order pizza for dinner tonight? I'm a little tired; do you mind going to the event at our friends' place alone this evening? What time should I call the driver to come and pick us up? Shall we watch an episode of our show or play a game until you have to head out?" I'm trying to imagine someone whose loved ones were just killed, whose home was just destroyed, whose stomach is growling, and whose head is bleeding listening to our conversations. Would his reaction be disbelief? envy? anger? confusion?

Perhaps more importantly, what is *my* reaction?

Car shopping

So we've decided we're buying a car. Not tomorrow; we're probably about 6 weeks away from having enough money to actually make the purchase. But the decision has been made and the research has begun.

I have VERY mixed feelings about the whole thing. These feelings range from guilt to sadness to concern to a sense of freedom. Guilt because I don't want to add another car to the already-overfilled roads in Doha, nor do I want to increase the CO2 emission level if only slightly. Sadness for the loss of carpooling opportunities. I've enjoyed getting to know some of the regular drivers we call as well as developing the humility involved in asking for a ride. Concern because Qatari roads are not a safe place. Every time we get into a car, I feel that we're taking our lives into our hands...and that's with experienced drivers! And freedom because having a car will increase our independence. Being dependent on drivers and public transportation has been a very good experience, but it is definitely less convenient...especially with an infant.

Now that we've decided to buy a car, the question becomes which one? We have already spent hours in contemplation, and while we're nearing a model, the discussions continue. The problem is that we want our decision to be consistent with seemingly conflicting values we hold.

The first is living minimally. Darren and I are committed to living within our means at the very least, but desire to increasingly live below our means. It's something of a struggle as society is built around materialism and greed, but something we strive for.

Another value we hold is living relationally. This is a big struggle for two people who are content to sit at home most of the time. But we want to develop relationships with others. We long to be part of a healthy community of people who do life together. We talk often of steps we're going to take to realize these dreams, and though we often fail it is something we truly value.

Third, we value living healthily. We want to continue to grow into physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally healthy people, individually and as a couple. Again, lots of times we fall into unhealthy habits, but that doesn't negate the value, it simply causes us to review and regroup.

So, what kind of car does a couple holding these values choose? That's where it gets interesting. The minimalist would not buy a car at all, but let's say he has no choice. In this case, he would select an efficient compact vehicle, like a hatchback, for example. The relational person narrows his selection to a vehicle that can accommodate all the people he plans to transport, like a mini van. The health-buff might end up with a wise choice for his family, environment and (active) lifestyle, like a mid-size hybrid. Someone who holds all three values chooses... (this is where you give me your suggestions!)

New Year's Resolutions

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions. I find them trite and forced. I always think that if a person really wants to change something, he will do it - whether it is January 1st, April 18th or October 26th.

Having said that, I really enjoy stepping back at the end of a year and reviewing it. That's why I've taken to writing electronic Christmas letters, even though most of the people who receive them find little novel information. Sorry folks, it's really for me: I like to take stock of my year and have a record of that stock-taking, partly for posterity, and partly as a good mental exercise.

The process of writing this year's Christmas letter revealed that 2009 was a year of doing. As you can see in the previous post, Darren and I did a lot of stuff during our first full year in Qatar. The combination of a steady income and a significant amount of free time, paired with our excitement of living in a new place, caused us to explore places we'd never dreamed of. We really did try to make the most of living abroad and the change in lifestyle it provided for us. And I think we succeeded.

But that was last year. I hope that when I sit down in December to review this year, I'll find that 2010 was a year of becoming. At the most basic level, this year I'm going to become a mother, but beyond that, there are many things I want to become. I want to become more generous, loving, and compassionate. I want to become a better friend, wife, and family member. I want to become more intentional in my decisions, thoughts, and with my time.

I don't expect to become all these things in 2010. Nor are these new ambitions, arbitrarily chosen so I'll have an answer when someone asks me what my New Year's resolution(s) is (are). These are things Darren and I have been talking about and slowly working on for about 3 years now. What may be different in 2010 is that we are intentionally going to do less, hopefully leaving more time for becoming.

I realize this becoming will have to take place between things like middle of the night feedings, post-partum hormonal changes, comforting a colicky child, etc. But part of me wonders if the becoming may happen because of them. I'll let you know in about 11 months.