Setting Goals

For someone who has nothing to do in terms of work, I am extremely stressed out. I think I might be predisposed to finding stress in otherwise relaxing situations. Either that, or I have trained myself to do it through years of practice.

When I first fell ill I was stressed about coverage for my class, lessons to send to the supply teacher, what was wrong with me and whether I would ever get better. (I clearly remember the day when I finally said to Darren, “I think this may not last forever!”)

Once the decision was made to replace me until midterm, I felt a huge sense of relief and the stress dissipated…for a while. I’ve been feeling better of late but with that has come a new set of stresses. Now I’m worried about why sometimes I still get blackout-ish vision, whether this apathy and weakness I’m experiencing is truly the direct consequence of weeks of limited exercise and increased resting (or if there is something else silently brewing inside me somewhere), and whether the next time I return to work I will experience a repeat of my 3 failed attempts. Besides that I worry about Darren and his workload, and what direction we should be taking for September.

Since I am one of those people whose mental state has an affect on her physical state, I really need to deal with these fears. So that’s my goal for this week – try to trust more and worry less. That’s in addition to the ongoing goals I set last week: exercise a little each day to build back my strength and do something relational each day. I’ve been quite a failure with the previous ones, so hopefully I’ll do better this week.