Best time of the year

We're back home in Doha after the most wonderful summer vacation. We spent seven glorious weeks in Ontario visiting family and friends, and enjoying the cool, green outdoors. It was the most low-key, relaxing summer vacation we've ever had, and more than ever before, I tried to savour every minute of it.

The older I get, the more impressive small things become. I soaked in the smell of wet grass after a rain, the cool breeze on a humid-less summer afternoon, the sound of raindrops on the roof. I got so much pleasure out of watching Caleb discover birds and trees, master the stairs at home and at the park, dip his head in splash pad fountains, and warm up to people who are dear to us. And of course I took advantage of the array of toddler-friendly snack foods, affordable children's clothing and local produce. We were able to celebrate my youngest sister's wedding (at which my thobed ring-bearing toddler ran down the aisle with the biggest grin on his face), spend significant time with most of our extended immediate family, eat all the foods we miss while living abroad, have few but good visits with dear friends, and make daily trips to a park, beach, hiking trail or splash pad as a family.

Through all the transitions this summer included, we couldn't have been more proud of our little trooper. I think in total, Caleb slept in 11 different rooms - including bedrooms, a hallway, a family room, a laundry room and a furnace room - in 7 weeks. The way we would walk into a new home, and set ourselves up there made Darren wonder whether Caleb believes we can simply choose a house and live in it. :)

I admit I am glad to be home again, eating out of our own fridge, sleeping in our own bed (well, we will once we get the A/C in our room working again), and making messes in our own space. And once the school year starts tomorrow, having a stable routine for all 3 of us.

We are grateful to everyone who accommodated us in one way or another over the past 3 summers. Your generosity is not overlooked or under-appreciated. Please consider visiting us in Doha and letting us having the pleasure of repaying you in kind.

Until then, happy fall, everyone!

The beginning of the list

Our weekly dinner and discussion group has just completed a discussion series on narcissism. One of the ways of thwarting our narcissistic tendencies that we talked about was meditating on the things in life for which we are thankful. And boy is my list long:

I am thankful for my husband. He is strong and gentle, challenging and encouraging, logical and full of emotion. He balances me in a way I didn’t know was possible, and supports me through situations I don’t believe I have the strength to conquer.

I am thankful for my son. He is a joy to be woken up by, a pleasure to interact with, and a prize to come home to. Every week we are amazed by how much he has developed and changed, and we look forward with great anticipation to what comes next.

I am thankful for my job. Even on days when my students threaten to drive me crazy, when my curriculum development work seems futile, when my teaching team shows signs of dysfunction, I still have to admit that I currently have the best job of my career so far.

I am thankful for my country of residence. At times I am discouraged by the climate, landscape, traffic and solitude of our current living situation. But I am grateful for all the opportunities – both present and future – that this country affords us.

I am thankful for my people back home. Most of my nearest and dearest are almost on the other side of the planet, but they remain close to my heart. The intensity with which I long for our annual trip to Canada and the reunions it promises is enough to show my gratitude for those whom I rarely
see but love deeply.

I am thankful for my people here. It is hard to build deep relationships anywhere, and even more so in a transient community. However, we have been blessed with friends with whom we can laugh, cry, and share advice. For this I am grateful.

I am thankful for my health, and the health of those I love. I have many little health quirks, but I am strong and able. No one in my family is hospitalized or dying. I am blessed.

I am thankful for my past. Who I am is the summation of all my past experiences. While most of them were positive, I am also thankful for the difficult moments in my life that built character.

I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful for the fantastic solution to our childcare worries. I am thankful for my miracle tomato plants that produced fruit even after the stocks had dried up. I am thankful for good books to read or to have read to me. I am thankful for afternoon trips to the compound pool with Caleb and his friends. I am thankful for a good nights' sleep and feeling refreshed in the morning. I am thankful for the maintenance men who come to fix problems in our accommodation two, three and even four times. I am thankful for the excessive air conditioning in my office that makes the unbearable heat outdoors seem (momentarily) like a welcome change. I am thankful for our furnished accommodation, for its proximity to our workplace, for friendly and quiet neighbours. I am thankful for friends who live literally around the corner and who stop by unannounced. I am thankful for access to a large variety of affordable and healthy foods. I am thankful for evenings of games and sharing. I am thankful for guests who join us here in the desert. I am thankful for small reminders of home, like PC white cheddar macaroni and cheese. I am thankful for the technology that allows us to capture precious moments in time and share them with people we care about. I am thankful for fresh banana cake, especially when it is made by an 8-year old friend. I am thankful for home-cooked meals, even when I have to do the home cooking. I am thankful for competent doctors and nurses who care for us when we are ill and reassure us when we are healthy. I am thankful for good conversations with new friends and old. I am thankful for genuine smiles from security guards and grounds staff. I am thankful for lazy weekends and afternoon naps. I am thankful for second-hand baby clothes and toys. I am thankful for unexpected update-type emails. I am thankful for cool breezes any time of the year. I am thankful for dinner invitations and for having our invitations accepted. I am thankful for good advice and those who give it. I am thankful for people who challenge me and help me refocus. I am thankful for freshly folded laundry and recently washed dishes. I am thankful for the chirping of birds coming through the AC vent. I am thankful for comforting hugs and reassuring words. I am thankful for I am thankful for our weekly discussion group that prompted this post in the first place.

This is just the beginning of the list. My goal is to grow the list each day, and in doing so, cultivate a spirit of thanksgiving which will hopefully begin the long overdue shift from self- to other-focus. Thankfully, there is much to be thankful for.

Happy Birthday, Caleb

It's hard to believe that a year has passed and our little Caleb is one year old. He has grown and changed so much in the past year. Every day we are surprised by something new and every day we fall in love with him all over again.

Happy Birthday to our darling son. Our lives are fuller and more joyful because of you.

Already

For the first time in 4 months, the ACs have switched at the Conley residence. Long pants haven't been seen a few days now - outside of work (Darren has to adhere to the dress code). Trips to the park are being reserved for 4:00 when there is sufficient shade. Looks like winter is on its way out.

It's hard to remember in the midst of the glorious 22-degree weather just how hot it gets here. I mentioned to my students that I thought it was starting to warm up and they said I should be happy. When I questioned that response they said, "Canadians like hot weather." At least now I know that stereotypes are alive and well in my classroom.

While it may be true that many Canadians like hot weather, I'm not one of them. And while it may also be true that this is just a short heat wave (a kind of Qatari Chinook?), I am reminded that whether next week or next month, my favourite time of year will indeed come to an end and I will once again contain myself to the indoors, out of the sun's reach.

I miss you, winter, already.

Christmas 2010

Ok, so it's February and I'm just getting around to posting this. It was begun early in January, but then we went back to work after the winter break and time seemed to slip away on me. (It *might* have had something to do with the ongoing Zuma competition between the Conleys and Dewburys.) Anyway, without further ado, here are my thoughts on Christmas 2010.


Over the past couple of years, we've been trying to figure out what we want Christmas to look like for our family.

Like most children raised in North America, growing up both Darren and I participated in large family gatherings and mammoth gift-opening sessions, holiday movie marathons and over-indulgence in Christmas baking, carol sing-a-longs and delicious turkey dinners. We both have fond memories of the events that developed into family traditions over the years.

When we got married, Christmas got busier in that we tried to fit in as many traditions with as many parts of the newly-expanded family as we could. So we'd travel to my parents' place for part of the holidays and then back to Darren's parents' for another part. It was tiring but good.

Now that we're away from "home" and have our own little family, we're starting to think about how to celebrate the season together. While we haven't established any family traditions, we did spend a fair amount of time considering the values or principles we want to govern our Christmases present and future. Things like spending time with family and friends, and maintaining a focus on people in need topped the list. I'm excited to see how these values will manifest themselves as our family and our situation changes from year to year. I'm also excited about who will join us for Christmas in Qatar, 2011! (Yes, that's an invitation for you.)

I realize that this post hasn't really said much of anything. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the recent changes in our physical location and life stage have given us the opportunity to rethink what is important to us and restructure our lives accordingly. This is definitely a work in progress, and maybe even a work that can never be completed. But being on this journey - and being aware of the journey we're on - gives me hope and joy.


I leave you now with a slideshow of the highlights of our Christmas vacation, 2010. (Only for those of you with the patience to let Smilebox load. I really need to learn another program. Any suggestions?)

Conley Christmas Letter 2010

Here we are, nearing the end of another year…one that we will always remember as the year our family grew. Much to everyone’s surprise, Caleb Tirian Conley made his grand entrance into the world on February 28, nearly 6 weeks before his due date. The days and weeks that followed are still a blur as we tried to figure out how to care for this helpless little one. We learned the value of sleep and the importance of leaning on each other. We continue to learn the discipline of sacrifice and the capacity of our hearts to love.

In the first months of Caleb’s life, we were blessed to receive visitors from down the street and from half way around the world. These visits helped us in the early days of parenthood by providing much needed support in the way of meals, gifts, encouragement, and (best of all) chances to sleep; and also by reminding us that we are not alone in this journey.

Over the past 9 months our initial panic has subsided and when we think of Caleb the overwhelming emotion we feel is joy. As he grows, we enjoy him more and more. We are constantly surprised by how much excitement we get from the little developments like when Caleb finished his first bowl of rice cereal, giggled from his belly the first time, started sitting up unassisted, put his soother in his mouth by himself, or made his way across the floor to get a toy that caught his eye. We are so thankful for this little one and for how much richer and joyful our lives are because of him.

When he was 4 months old, we took Caleb all over Canada to introduce him to his family and our friends there. First we celebrated with Alaina and Brenton in Edmonton as they got married, and another brother was added to the family. Then we enjoyed a trip to the mountains in B.C. with Larissa’s family – including one of Caleb’s Great Grandmas. This was followed by a month of visiting and catching up with our family and friends in Ontario, something we look forward to each year. In August we held a beautiful and intimate dedication service for Caleb, and we felt so blessed again to be surrounded by wonderful people who committed to helping us raise our son.

As the summer came to a close, we experienced our first (and hopefully last!) true separation as Darren headed back to Doha to work and Larissa and Caleb stayed in Canada to spend some more time with family. Darren took on a leadership position this fall at the college where he has been teaching for 1 ½ years. This job is a great fit for him and he is thriving in the new position.

In September we were reunited in Doha, and a week later we were joined by Larissa’s sister, Leona. Although her main reason for coming was to take care of Caleb, Leona has built a life here in a few short months and we have enjoyed watching it – and her – grow. Larissa returned to work in the middle of October with only a few tears shed. The transition back to the world of work was made easy by the fact that we knew our son was being well cared for by his auntie. Being back at work and away from Caleb has made the mornings, evenings and weekends so much more special. We treasure our time together as a family and try to make the most of it.

And that brings us to the present. We continue to enjoy life in the Middle East, especially now that the winter weather has arrived. We are looking forward to a visit from Darren’s sister Lorraine in a few days’ time and celebrating Christmas with her.

We wish you and your families a wonderful holiday. May you experience the peace, hope and joy that is encapsulated in this season. And know that we are thinking of you and missing you from afar.

Love,
Darren, Larissa & Caleb Conley

The return to work

Today was a significant day in my life. After 7 1/2 months of full-time mothering, I went back to work.

I wasn't really worried about Caleb - I knew he was in good hands with my sister. I was worried about me. I have found myself missing Caleb while he napped. For an hour. In the same room as me! And now I'm going to leave him for 6 hours a day. Five days a week.

Here's the problem:

I don't want to miss anything. I want to experience all of Caleb's firsts, along with his seconds and thirds. I want to be acutely aware of how many vegetable and fruit cubes he eats in a day. I want to track the frequency of his poopy diapers and rejoice with each one. (Yes, we really do get excited when our son poos.) I want to help him get out the gas that causes his little tummy pain. I want to discover the new things that make him laugh this week. I want to choose which little outfit to dress him in today. I want to be the first one he sees when he awakes from his nap. I want to rock him when he needs a little extra love. In essence, I want to be there.

But I also want to work. I want to see my colleagues on a daily basis. I want to have conversations that don't revolve around teething and developmental markers. I want to have a schedule that forces me to leave the house each day. I want to make a contribution to an institution involved in educating the Qatari workforce. I want to participate in the events Darren has been recounting to me when he comes home from work. I want to be intellectually stimulated and professionally challenged.

I want it all.

I can't have it all.

So I settle for having most of it.

I realize that each decision comes with sacrifices. I have chosen to go back to work. While I don't yet regret this decision, I also don't yet realize the extent of the sacrifice that accompanies it.

Today was ok. I savoured Caleb's morning cute time before leaving, and gave him my rapt attention when I got home. I am sure the next few weeks will be spent putting systems into place to streamline necessary tasks in order to squeeze every last drop of family time out of the day. But tonight I can go to bed knowing that I survived this significant day, with only a few tears in the car, and hope that the sacrifice is worth it.

Grow, baby, grow! (but not too much)

When your baby is born prematurely, much of your thoughts revolve around his weight. When his newborn clothes start to fit, there is much excitement. When the first sleepers have to be retired because they have become too small, you feel proud of your little grower. When you stop rolling down the front of his newborn diapers, you can't help but tell your family. And when your baby starts wearing size 2 diapers, your heart does a little dance. But as the trend continues, you start to wish, like every other parent has, that he will slow down!

1 week

13 weeks

On becoming a mother

Becoming a parent profoundly changes your life. Everyone says it, but you have to experience it for yourself to understand.

Just over 3 months ago, our lives changed profoundly. The fact that our baby was born almost 6 weeks early had nothing to do with it. Even if we had felt ready for our baby's arrival, we still would have had no idea what was in store for us.

The first few days after Caleb's birth are a blur, but I do remember they were the hardest days of my life. All of a sudden we were responsible for the tiniest, most helpless thing we'd ever encountered. We worried that he wasn't eating enough, we worried that he was too hot or cold, we worried that we were weren't worrying about the right things.

The panic we felt the first night gradually disappeared as we gained confidence and familiarity with our son. Soon we were able to look at our sleeping baby and feel a peaceful sense of joy, although the anxiety still rears its ugly head often enough!

As I think back on my initiation into motherhood, I realize I have learned much. First, I have learned about love. I thought I would naturally experience a love for my child that superseded all my desires. I thought I would gladly set aside my selfish thoughts when I met Caleb. I also thought that the moment I became a mother I would automatically desire his well being over my own. While I did love him from before he was even born, the sacrificial part was not easy for me. I had to choose to give up hours of beloved sleep so my baby would be well nourished and I had to choose to endure overwhelming pain in the initial stages of breastfeeding so my baby would get the benefits of his mother's milk. It wasn't easy for me to make these decisions - I had to remind myself of the reason: this child whom I love.

I have also learned about community. In the beginning I lamented that "my community" wasn't here. We spoke on the phone with family and good friends in Canada but I longed to really share this experience with them, and lean on them for support. I have since realized that in longing for my far off support, I failed to appreciate the support I have in Doha, and I missed opportunities to create a deeper community here. When I think of the people who stopped by in the first few weeks, the colleagues who sent gifts for Caleb home with Darren, the ladies who attended my surprise shower, the new moms who share their experiences in response to my questions, and mostly the individuals who went out of their way to help us, I feel blessed. I still miss my people back home, and I will continue to maintain those relationships, but I've gained a new appreciation for what I have and can develop here.

Finally, I've learned about partnership. I have a new-found deep respect for single parents. I don't know how I would have coped with everything if it weren't for Darren. I feed the baby, he burps him. I wash the laundry, he hangs it to dry. I load the dishwasher, he unloads it. But partnership is more than sharing the workload. Darren and I are Caleb's parents, and the job of raising him is ours. When we're tired and frustrated, we can encourage each other. When something goes wrong, we can find a solution together. When there's a hard parenting decision to be made, we can make it together. When I consider the road ahead, with all its inevitable ups and downs, I'm extremely grateful to know we will travel it together.

Darren and I love our son so much. We spend hours each week just watching him. We feel so glad that he is ours and we don't ever have to give him back. We're not naive; we understand the weight of the responsibility of raising him. But we are honoured to have been given this responsibility, and pray we won't screw it up too badly. :)

Where I live

Sometimes I'm surprised by how much this country has become home. Most recently it happened when I came across a promotional video created for the FIFA 2022 World Cup bid. Throughout the video I saw places and activities that we've visited, observed, and participated in. But it was more than just a sense of familiarity that I felt; there was also a slight twinge of national pride (oddly enough).



Then I watched this video and got a little emotional.



There's something about Qatar. Sure, there are things I do not identify with or understand, there are features of life here I would like to change, and there are aspects of my original home that I would like to add. But for now, at least, this place is home...and I'm glad!

Sitting

Darren and I spend a lot of time sitting on our sofa. It seems our sofa has become the centre of our home, or at least the area we gravitated to when it's time to be together. While sitting on this sofa, sometimes we're eating dinner, sometimes we're watching a movie or television episode, sometimes we're playing Wii, sometimes we're listening to a podcast, sometimes we're reading, sometimes we're talking, and sometimes we're just sitting...together.

Every now and then, while sitting on the sofa, I'll reach over, grab Darren's hand and place it on my expanding stomach. Generally, at this point Bumpkin stops moving around, but every now and then Darren gets to feel a little kick or roll. Other times, while sitting on the sofa, Darren will spontaneously bend down and gently place a kiss near my belly button, often accompanied by a kind word or two for our little boy. Also on this sofa, out of the blue one of us might say something like "I can't wait to meet him," referring, of course to our still-developing son. Then we'll spend some time imagining our lives in the coming years. It's times like these that I really love our sofa.

There are times when, sitting on this sofa, I feel absolutely content and satisfied. Inevitably, reality hits, but it's much easier to deal with after some time on the sofa with my favourite.

I know our lives will be very different from the time our baby is born until...well...forever. These changes don't usually scare me; on the contrary, I am looking forward to them. We both are curious about our little one (and any siblings he may have in the future). We're excited to watch him grow, develop a personality, put sentences together, become interested in different hobbies, make friends, explore the world, find a girlfriend...the whole thing! I also know life post-Bumpkin will be full of challenging and frustrating times. But hopefully the most difficult of those times will come after having had some time sitting with my Darren on our sofa.

As an aside...
I have no idea what heaven is like, but I suspect it involves a feeling like I get sometimes on my sofa. And that makes me smile.

The challenge of children

I read this post today from a blog called 22 Words entitled "You've already donated, so now donate some more: The loving logic of a 5-year-old":

Me: We already sent some money.
Orison: I wanna send more.
Me: How much?
Orison: 52
Me: OK.
And so we did.

Reading this makes me excited and nervous about having kids. I hope we are challenged by them, and that we respond well to the challenges.

Questions

In my day-to-day living, I avoid over-exposure to the news. I find all-day news channels tend to ruminate on and sensationalize stories in order to fill up their 24 hours of coverage, and that frustrates me. As a result, I found out about the recent earthquake in Haiti via facebook status updates. I logged in to see if any of my friends were around for a chat, and discovered that one of the poorest countries in the world had been further devastated.

The few images from Haiti that I've seen remind me of the brevity of life, the fragility of our planet, the imbalance of power and wealth across our globe, and the insignificance of my own existance. All over the world there are people involved in a real struggle for survival while my husband and I contemplate the pros and cons of epidurals in childbirth from the safety and comfort of our lovely home.

The following questions were heard in our villa in the past few hours: "Do you want to see a movie this weekend? Why don't we order pizza for dinner tonight? I'm a little tired; do you mind going to the event at our friends' place alone this evening? What time should I call the driver to come and pick us up? Shall we watch an episode of our show or play a game until you have to head out?" I'm trying to imagine someone whose loved ones were just killed, whose home was just destroyed, whose stomach is growling, and whose head is bleeding listening to our conversations. Would his reaction be disbelief? envy? anger? confusion?

Perhaps more importantly, what is *my* reaction?

Car shopping

So we've decided we're buying a car. Not tomorrow; we're probably about 6 weeks away from having enough money to actually make the purchase. But the decision has been made and the research has begun.

I have VERY mixed feelings about the whole thing. These feelings range from guilt to sadness to concern to a sense of freedom. Guilt because I don't want to add another car to the already-overfilled roads in Doha, nor do I want to increase the CO2 emission level if only slightly. Sadness for the loss of carpooling opportunities. I've enjoyed getting to know some of the regular drivers we call as well as developing the humility involved in asking for a ride. Concern because Qatari roads are not a safe place. Every time we get into a car, I feel that we're taking our lives into our hands...and that's with experienced drivers! And freedom because having a car will increase our independence. Being dependent on drivers and public transportation has been a very good experience, but it is definitely less convenient...especially with an infant.

Now that we've decided to buy a car, the question becomes which one? We have already spent hours in contemplation, and while we're nearing a model, the discussions continue. The problem is that we want our decision to be consistent with seemingly conflicting values we hold.

The first is living minimally. Darren and I are committed to living within our means at the very least, but desire to increasingly live below our means. It's something of a struggle as society is built around materialism and greed, but something we strive for.

Another value we hold is living relationally. This is a big struggle for two people who are content to sit at home most of the time. But we want to develop relationships with others. We long to be part of a healthy community of people who do life together. We talk often of steps we're going to take to realize these dreams, and though we often fail it is something we truly value.

Third, we value living healthily. We want to continue to grow into physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally healthy people, individually and as a couple. Again, lots of times we fall into unhealthy habits, but that doesn't negate the value, it simply causes us to review and regroup.

So, what kind of car does a couple holding these values choose? That's where it gets interesting. The minimalist would not buy a car at all, but let's say he has no choice. In this case, he would select an efficient compact vehicle, like a hatchback, for example. The relational person narrows his selection to a vehicle that can accommodate all the people he plans to transport, like a mini van. The health-buff might end up with a wise choice for his family, environment and (active) lifestyle, like a mid-size hybrid. Someone who holds all three values chooses... (this is where you give me your suggestions!)

New Year's Resolutions

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions. I find them trite and forced. I always think that if a person really wants to change something, he will do it - whether it is January 1st, April 18th or October 26th.

Having said that, I really enjoy stepping back at the end of a year and reviewing it. That's why I've taken to writing electronic Christmas letters, even though most of the people who receive them find little novel information. Sorry folks, it's really for me: I like to take stock of my year and have a record of that stock-taking, partly for posterity, and partly as a good mental exercise.

The process of writing this year's Christmas letter revealed that 2009 was a year of doing. As you can see in the previous post, Darren and I did a lot of stuff during our first full year in Qatar. The combination of a steady income and a significant amount of free time, paired with our excitement of living in a new place, caused us to explore places we'd never dreamed of. We really did try to make the most of living abroad and the change in lifestyle it provided for us. And I think we succeeded.

But that was last year. I hope that when I sit down in December to review this year, I'll find that 2010 was a year of becoming. At the most basic level, this year I'm going to become a mother, but beyond that, there are many things I want to become. I want to become more generous, loving, and compassionate. I want to become a better friend, wife, and family member. I want to become more intentional in my decisions, thoughts, and with my time.

I don't expect to become all these things in 2010. Nor are these new ambitions, arbitrarily chosen so I'll have an answer when someone asks me what my New Year's resolution(s) is (are). These are things Darren and I have been talking about and slowly working on for about 3 years now. What may be different in 2010 is that we are intentionally going to do less, hopefully leaving more time for becoming.

I realize this becoming will have to take place between things like middle of the night feedings, post-partum hormonal changes, comforting a colicky child, etc. But part of me wonders if the becoming may happen because of them. I'll let you know in about 11 months.

Conley Christmas Update: 2009 in Review

As 2009 draws to a close we wanted to take some time to wish you a wonderful holiday season, to reflect on the year’s highlights, and to keep you apprised of the ongoing adventures of Darren and Larissa.

2009 was a year of settling in and feeling comfortable in our new country of residence.Although we moved to Qatar in August 2008, it took us a while to start feeling like we were at home there. Once the cooler weather came, we spent more time exploring Qatar. We familiarized ourselves with most of the restaurants and shops in our neighbourhood, as well as in the Souq, or traditional market. We also got out of the city for outings that included digging desert roses (rock formations) in the middle of nowhere and renting a 4-wheel drive vehicle to explore the country outside of Doha. We really felt like we’d made Doha home while showing the sights to Darren’s parents who visited for a week in April. We had a great time hosting them and would love to do it again for anyone who wants to visit the Middle East!

We both settled into our jobs this year as well. Darren started his Qatari teaching career in January by teaching two classes of male students who are trainees of Qatar Petroleum. Since then he has continued to teach these QP trainees and has also taken on audio recording responsibilities at the college. Larissa spent most of the year outside of the classroom working on various curriculum-related projects, and has enjoyed the change of pace at work. Perhaps the greatest evidence of our feeling of being settled into our new teaching environment is the well-received presentation we gave at TESL Ontario in Toronto this December in which we discussed some of the challenges and rewards of teaching Arab and Muslim students.

When we think back on 2009 we might also classify it as the year of traveling. In March we spent a weekend in Dubai, and another one in Kuwait. In April we traveled all around Jordan. And when the summer came we visited family and friends in Zambia and various parts of Ontario. Then in the fall we were off for a week in Prague. We feel really blessed to have been able to see so many different areas of our world this past year. Each destination introduced us to new experiences, sights, people, and ideas, and we’re grateful for each of them.

In 2009 we also developed a new appreciation for relationships. We were able to reconnect with some old friends through our travels and via the Internet. We also got to visit with good friends in Ontario while we were “home” in the summer and at Christmastime. In addition, we met interesting people with whom we hope to keep in touch in Prague and Zambia. And of course we continue to get to know our new friends in Doha better.

The most difficult part of living abroad for us is being away from our close friends and family. We’ve learned to appreciate our valued relationships and while we hope to develop similar friendships in Qatar, we’ve also renewed our desire to maintain our ties to our “kindred spirits” back in Canada.

2009 was also a year of creative exploration. Larissa tried her hand at silk painting, Palestinian embroidery, pottery, and belly dancing. While not naturally talented at any particular one, she enjoyed experimenting with each of these art forms. Darren took a short course in Adobe Flash and spent countless hours designing and re-designing his website www.shirtbug.net. Designing t-shirts has provided a good creative outlet for Darren, even if it may never become a source of income.

One last thing that 2009 will be remembered as being is a year of preparing for change. While on summer vacation in Canada we found out that we’re expecting our first child in April. We’re thrilled and nervous and really have no idea how different 2010 will be. Through doctors’ appointments, research (i.e. reading books, talking to people with children, etc.), and Larissa joining an ex-pat mum’s group in Doha, we’re trying to prepare as much as we can for this drastic change in our lives. We also moved from our apartment to a 3-bedroom villa on a compound in order to surround ourselves with other parents and children. We’re looking forward to how we will grow as a family over the coming years.

So, it’s been a full and wonderful year. We hope your 2009 was something worth remembering, as well. Thanks for joining us on our journey. We truly are more thankful than ever for each of our family members and friends.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Love,
Darren, Larissa & Baby Conley

Christmas Theme Songs

Sometimes things are made better by having a theme song. Television shows, for example, are often tied to the theme songs. Just hearing the first few notes of the introductory song of a series I used ot watch brings back (usually) fond memories of days gone by.

Events are the same way. Imagine the 1998 FIFA world cup without Ricky Martin's Cup of life! I'm not a hockey fan but even I know about the uprising over the Hockey Night in Canada theme song.

Since music is a huge part of Christmas, it seems fairly appropriate for it to be accompanied with a theme song. I'm not talking about a worldwide theme; I'm talking about a song that sums up one's emotional/physical/spiritual state at a particular moment in time. This kind of theme song usually appears unexpectedly and just "clicks". Last Christmas I came across a song that resonated with the place in life Darren and I were at that time.

It was the first year we were both away from our families and traditions at Christmas. Graciously, my long-lost friends welcomed us into their home in Turkey for the holidays so we were not all alone. But it was actually a very nice break that allowed us to contemplate the rituals of the season from a distance. Anyway, this song became my unofficial theme song of Christmas 2008:



This year I've also got a theme song:




The fact that each of these songs come from the same album is not so much coincidental as circumstantial. We only have two Christmas albums here in Qatar (both purchaed from iTunes last November): one by Sarah McLachlan and the other by Sixpence None the Richer. If I want to continue to find theme songs for each year, I guess that means broadening our Christmas playlist next year. Or maybe next year will be a themeless Christmas. Either way, I'll always associate these two songs with our first and second Christmasses in Doha.

The Big Move

Well, we've moved out of our fabulous apartment and into a villa. It's been over a month now and it finally feels like home.

Al Jazeera 1 Compound, Villa 53 - Home Sweet Home

When people heard we'd decided to move, many assumed it was for more space, with the impending growth of our family. But it actually was not. We were very content in our 3 bedroom apartment. We would have had room for Bumpkin and a guest to live comfortably. The villa is actually too big for the two of us, with one living room, one bedroom one bathroom and one flight of stairs too many. :)

Two living rooms is one living room too many

Ok, so if not for the space, certainly we moved for the ammenities. The compound has a swimming pool, clubhouse for gatherings, small gym and parks with swings and slides. But even that - while very nice! - wasn't enough to encourage us to relocate. Our apartment building just got some gym equipment, we made the roof into a gathering place, and there's a pool we can use on campus.

Lovely pool a stone's throw from our front door

So then we must have moved for the location. Well, we actually miss our old neighbourhood. True, the compound is much closer to work - we've cut our daily commute down to 10 minutes from 30 - but it's farther from everything else. We can no longer walk to restaurants and stores or hail a cab on the street. There is a small convenience store on the compound, though, which stocks all the basics plus a bit more, and Darren has crossed the 4-lane highway on foot to get groceries at the nearby Lulu Hypermarket. But it's not the same.

The convenience store whose laundry service and constant supply of granola bars makes the lack of walkable shops bearable

Why, then, did we change accommodations? It was all about community. The college places its employees in villa or apartments based on family status. Couples with children live in the compounds, singles and couples without children live in the apartments. Darren and I decided it would be good for us to surounded ourselves with other parents and children - especially babies, and especially when I'm on maternity leave.

The decision wasn't easy, however. There was somthing about the Al Sadd (the name of our apartment building) crowd. With a few exceptions, we all arrived at the same time. We were new together - sharing information about where to find queen sized sheets that don't feel like sand paper, reporting on a fabulous restaurant we'd discovered on a walk, pitching in to make the rooftop a place worthy of hosting parties. I think the original compound people probably had that, too - but now we're new and they're not. They have a bond among themselves like the one we feel for our Al Sadd neighbours. That's not to say they're not welcoming and friendly; we just haven't become one of them yet.

Hopefully by the time Bumpkin arrives we'll have met and become friends with other people with young children. There are babies being born in Doha every day so ours shouldn't be in want for friends. But for now we are working on starting conversations with people on the work shuttle bus and are planning a small housewarming gathering during the Eid break. And continuing to settle into our new place.

Family

Editor’s Note: I found this almost-written, unposted post in my blogger account today under the date of August 1, 2009. Since I haven’t gotten around to writing about our summer travels yet, I thought I’d post this one. Since it was written, however, the fourth Dewbury baby has been born: Ethan. He’s as adorable and loved as his older siblings.

Living in different country from your family makes visits extra special. The reason we went to Zambia in the first place was to spend some time with my sister Alicia and her family this summer, since they were planning on being there during our entire visit to Canada. She and Ben have 3 incredible children (and a fourth on the way!) who enjoyed showing us all around the various parts of Zambia that they've become so familiar with.

Alex, who decided she would go by the name Alexa while in Zambia, is our oldest niece. She joined the grade three class at the base school where she was thriving. School ran from about 8:30 until 1:00, and she would spend the afternoons doing homework and playing with her friends. On week days, we wouldn't see her from the time we dropped her off at the base until the ride back to the guest house.


We got to see more of Levi, our six-year-old nephew. Although he completed kindergarten in Alberta, it wasn't recommended that he join the grade 1 class at the base. So he would attend preschool on the days that Alicia volunteered there, and the other days he would roam around, hanging out with his adult friends and entertaining himself.

Avery, whom we hadn't seen since she was 6 months old, turned two in Zambia, so it was like we were meeting her for the first time. We loved learning to decipher her words and laughing at her mannerisms. Unfortunately she was suffering from the lingering effects of a parasite, but overall she was happy and bubbly and extremely entertaining!


Some of our most memorable moments in Zambia were related to these kids:

• Having learned that geckos who lose their tails will grow new ones, Levi decided to conduct an experiment. He cut the tail off a gecko with a stick. When we asked him why he did it, he said, "I wanted to see if it would grow another gecko."



• One evening Alicia and Avery were singing. We went through a couple of songs and then the grownups couldn't think of any more songs. So Alicia asked Avery what song she wanted to sing and she suggested "Twinkle". After signing Twinkle, the question was posed again. The response was “Twinkle”. When Alicia said to choose a *different* song, Avery cocked her head to the side, put a finger to her mouth, looked at the ceiling (as if she were thinking really hard) and said, “Ummmmmmmmmm…Twinkle!”



• At least 2 of the kids’ birthdays fell during the time the family was in Zambia. On their birthdays, the people at the guest house made a special cake for them to celebrate. Uncle Darren’s 34th birthday also happened to occur while we were there. Levi found out about this and made Darren a birthday card with his grownup friend Anine – incidentally the only present Darren received this year! Levi also announced at breakfast, “Today is Uncle Darren’s birthday! He’s 43!” and then turned a bright red with embarrassment when we laughed and said, “No, no, he’s only 34!” The embarrassment didn’t last for long because Levi sensed an opportunity and replied, “Uncle Darren, if you tell them it’s your birthday they’ll make you a cake,” not realizing that was something special they only did for kids.

When we weren't enjoying our family, we got to know and tried to help out the other folks who live on the base and work for Foundations for Cross-Cultural Education (FCE). Darren spent most of his days painting with Ben and I helped out at the preschool whenever Alicia was scheduled to work there. We learned about sustainable development in Zambia thorugh our visits at "the farm" and about hospitality from the folks at the guest house. Before meeting up with our family and FCE, Darren and I enjoyed the wild, touristy aspects of Zambia, which was also interesting.

It was definitely a valuable three weeks of our lives, and included the greatest range of experiences we could think of: adventure, education, service and relationship-building.

The making of Sports Roundabout

This past weekend was Hallowe'en, and like good Canadian expatriates, we celebrated it here in Doha. There were more than enough Hallowe'en parties to choose from - there were colleagues of mine in attendance at a minimum of 4 different celebrations around the city over the weekend.

Darren and I chose to participate in a free Hallowe'en bash hosted by some of our colleagues on the rooftop of their accommodation. The event was characterized by a wide veriety of people, great conversation, lots of laughs and most importantly some fantastic costumes.

My favourite costumes were the Doha-specific ones. One couple came dressed as a camel jockey and owner - the owner was driving a cardboard Land Cruiser equipped with working headlights! Another man, my favourite person at the whole party incidentally, came as a local landmark - Sports Roundabout. He was very proud of his creativity and handiwork, and I thought I'd share it with both of my readers. So may I present "The Making of Sports Roundabout."

First of all, let us clarify what exactly a roundabout is. People who have driven in Europe are familiar with the idea, but it's a new concept for many North Americans. According to the website Driving in Ireland,

A roundabout or rotary is a type of road junction (or traffic calming device) at which traffic streams around a central island, after first yielding (giving way) to the circulating traffic. Roundabouts are statistically safer than both traffic circles and traditional intersections, though they do not cope as well with the traffic on motorways or similar fast roads.

See the diagram below:


Ok, so that's a roundabout, but what about Sports Roundabout? Well, in Doha street names are generally not known, so landmarks are used for giving directions. For example, we just moved from an apartment between Al Sadd and Al Nasr streets (2 well-known roads), close to the Red Dragon Chinese Massage place and attached to the Qatar Airways accommodation. Even with that description, our pizza often arrived only after 3 phone calls from the driver asking for more directions.

Many of the roundabouts have features that have become landmarks. Some key ones are Television roundabout (near the Al Jazeera Broadcasting Company), Immigration roundabout (near the Immigration department), Decoration roundabout (near a decorating/furniture store), Mall roundabout (near the mall named "The Mall") and Burger King roundabout (near - you guessed it - a Burger King restaurant). Sports roundabout is named for the tower erected in the middle of it, depicting athletes involved in different sports - a remnant of/tribute to the Asian Games held here 3 years ago.


Ok, enough background. On to the costume!

One day last week after work, Darren went to Toys R Us and picked up some toy cars. Then Friday morning he cut a cardboard box into an oval, measuring it to his waistline with makeshift tools, covered it with black bristol board and painted white lines on it. (There are no pictures of those steps for 2 reasons -- 1. I was not feeling well and decided to nap the sick away, and 2. Darren wasn't really dressed for that part of the project. It was Friday morning, remember!)


Anyway, after the paint had dried, Darren taped the cars in place with masking tape, since our crazy glue had dried up since its last use.



I participated, too - taping the traffic cones to the "construction site" at the back of the roundabout. I think Darren ran out of bristol board, but it's actually not surprising for a random section of the road to be missing around these parts!


And here's the Sports Roundabout, looking so proud of his creation.


At the party everyone knew right away he was a roundabout, but it took some prompting for many people to figure out which one. I thought the knee pads were a dead giveaway!


So there you have it, Hallowe'en Doha-style. Stay tuned next year for the local cultural reference we use as inspiration for Bumpkin's costume!

Baby Questions

I really do want to write posts about our summer adventures as well as our trip to Prague. Really, I do. And I will. But I'm finding myself a little distracted these days. And nauseous. And tired. And pregnant.

That's right: Darren and I are expecting our first child early in April. We're looking forward to the joys and challenges this addition to our family will bring. We're also nervous, but that's normal, right?

We just started sharing the news this past week. It was pretty easy to keep it a secret because I'm not showing. But now that the college is offering us a villa (in place of our current fabulous apartment), and encouraging us to move right away, it seems as though there will be no more secret keeping. That's ok, I guess. People were bound to find out eventually!

Once people find out, they start asking questions. I appreciate the questions, but would rather not have to type answers to them dozens of times (a major pitfall of using the Internet as your main source of communication with family and friends). So I've compiled some answers to the most-asked questions.

• When are you due?
  April 6. Or April 12. I've been told both, but am holding on to the first one. Sooner is better!
  
  


• How are you feeling?
  Well, I can't say that these past few months have been a walk in the park, but I haven't had to take a sick day, either! If I don't eat something every few hours the nausea comes rushing in. Also, I'm having strong negative reactions to Darren's smells (hair gel, deodorant, etc.) Oh, and I'm tired all the time. Usual preganancy stuff.
  
  


• Are you having any cravings?
  Not really, except maybe apple juice. Oh, how I love apple juice! :) Also, I've wanted to drink milk a few times, which I haven't done in years! I do eat a lot of crackers, but not because I crave them, just because they make my tummy feel a little better.
  
  


• Did you know when you were in Canada and not tell anyone?
  Yeah, we did, but we wanted to keep it to ourselves until we had seen a doctor and knew things were looking good. You understand!
  
  


• Will you come home to deliver?
  Nope, we're going to have the baby right here. Our doctor is from Germany and he's a specialist in at-risk pregnancies, which means he should be a true genius at normal pregnancies/deliveries. The hospital I'll deliver at is like a 5-star hotel; much nicer than we'd get in Canada!
  
  


• Will your baby be a Qatari citizen?
  No. The only way to become a Qatari citizen is to be born to a Qatari mom and dad. Actually, our baby will not be a citizen of anywhere until we apply for Canadian citizenship. The process is a little complicated since the nearest Canadian embassy is in Kuwait, but hopefully we'll have a passport for baby Conley before it's time for us to come to Canada for summer vacation (mid-July).
  
  


• Do you have any names picked out?
  Honestly, no, and it's not for lack of trying. For years (long before we seriously considered having children) Darren and I have been watching movie credits in search of names we both like. No success yet. We're calling the baby "Bumpkin" in the meantime.
  
  


• Is it a boy or a girl? Or don't you want to know?
  We don't know, but we do want to. I don't think we'll know until November at the earliest, and then only if Bumpkin cooperates with the doctor and the ultrasound machine. My sister Alicia is wishing for a boy cousin for her newest child, though. I'm not sure which I'd pick if I could.
  
  


• What about work?
  Because of my residency status, I am eligible for up to 1 year of unpaid leave. The plan at this moment is to work as late as I can (probably the last week of March) and then take off 5 1/2 months, returning to work at the beginning of the fall semseter.
  
  


• Are you going to post pictures of your baby bump?
  Well, if I had one, then maybe. I'm not really showing much yet. We'll see.
  


• Who is going to watch the baby when you go back to work?
  We will look into the various options as the time gets closer. There are lots of nannies in Doha, so that's a possibility. There are also nursery programs for children as young as 11 months old. We also have a spare room in our villa if you'd like to come and take care of Bumpkin for a few weeks or months!
  
  


• Did you say villa? I thought you lived in an apartment.
  Families get first dibs at villas, so once we told HR we were expecting, they put us on the top of the list to get a villa. We were thinking we'd move in January or Febrauary, but it looks like they want us out of our apartment in the next few weeks. So we have a lot of packing to do!
  
  


• Can you get baby stuff in Qatar?
  Yes, there are baby shops that stock everything from onesies to strollers to baby on board signs. Everyone says baby things are way more expensive here than at home, though. Fortunately people are always leaving and selling their stuff so we're hoping to score some used baby gear at reasonable prices - espeically the stuff we don't need for a while yet like a high chair.
  
  


• Are you excited?
  Yes, we are. We're also a little overwhelmed, but definitely excited. I suspect both emotions will get more intense as the months roll by.

Year Two

Well, here we are, back in Doha for another year. It's amazing how different year two is from year one. My initial reaction upon returning to Doha was this: it is so nice not to be new.

I listen to the discussions the newcomers have on the bus and it's like déjà vu. They're finding their way around the city, exploring the neighbourhood, setting up their apartments, adjusting to the climate, learning the ins and outs of their new jobs, dealing with residency bureaucracy….

For them, coming to Doha was embarking on a new adventure. For me this year, it was coming home.

Home is good. Home is comforting. Home is familiar. But home is not necessarily exciting. That's the biggest difference I've noticed; things aren't 'new' anymore, and as a result, small things lose some of their appeal.

This is a trade-off I'm willing to make. I'm happy to give up a bit of excitement for a bit of familiarity, at least right now. But already I anticipate the pull to go somewhere else, starting over in a new environment. Settling somewhere completely new is incredibly stressful, but also incredibly satisfying.

But for now we're here in Doha, living our lives in this familiarly foreign environment.

Smalltown Vermont (or Ontario, or Alberta, or...)

This week I read a Jamaica Kincaid's Among Flowers, the story of her seed-collection trip to the Himilaya mountains. I'm not sure why I signed it out of the school library; I care very little about botany and I'd never heard of Ms. Kincaid. But I soon discovered I appreciated and even identified with some of her insights into both the journey and life in general.

I wanted to share with you a short passage from the beginning of the story, before she set out on the challenging journey in the Himalaya. It contains a sense of the perspective I so often lose, but suspect I will experience in full next week when I arrive in Luanshya, Zambia.

Here I was in a village in the foothills of the Himalaya. I could still remember the feeling of living in a village in the mountains of Vermont. I could remember that when I spoke, everybody I knew, everybody I was talking to, understood me quite well. I could remember the school building in my village, a nice, very big red brick building that was properly ventilated and properly heated and had all sots of necessities and comforts, and yet I had found much fault with it and had refused to send my children to school there. I could remember the firehouse just down the hill from where I live and the kind people who volunteer their life to taking care of it and rescuing me if I should need rescuing. I could remember my house with its convenient and fantastic plumbing and water to be had any time I needed it, just by opening the tap in my fantastically equipped kitchen. I could remember my doctor, a man named Henry Lodge, who I often believe exists solely to reassure me that I am not about to drop dead from some imagined catastrophic illness. I could still remember my supermarket, The Price Chopper, overflowing with fruits and vegetables from Florida, California, or Chile, just so I could choose to buy or not buy, strawberries for instance, in summer, winter, any time I liked.
Jamaica Kincaid, Among Flowers, pp. 24-25.

Anticipation and Excitement

The countdown is on! 6 more days and we'll be on our way to visit Alicia and family in Luanshya, Zambia (via Dubai, Johannesburg, and Livingstone). Two weeks after that, we'll come back to Doha to repack and then fly to Ontario to visit our friends and family there for about 4 weeks.

None of this seemed real to me until yesterday. I've finally completed all my thought-consuming work at work; I still have some administrative tasks to take care of, but I've completed my major projects for the semester. Even though Darren and I had been making plans with people in both Zambia and Ontario, until I had submitted my final revisions, I was unable to truly comprehend that we were going. This is always the case with me. I wonder if this is something that is universal among humans, or only humans of a particular neurological or emotional type.

Anyway, now I'm in "getting ready for vacation" mode. Yesterday I got vaccinated against typhoid, and Darren got a yellow fever shot. We also purchased the things Alicia asked us to bring to her in Zambia: diapers and Tostitos. :) I began setting aside things I want packed on the spare room bed. (Darren is the family packer; I just gather the items and he arranges them nicely in the luggage). We're steadily checking things off the to do list. And we're getting excited.

Today at lunch Darren said he was more excited about going to Ontario than Zambia. I had to agree with him. It's not that we are NOT looking forward to visiting Africa (I apologize for the double negative there); we simply can anticipate the Canadian part of our summer more. We know what we're excited to do and we've a list of people we're excited to see once we get to Ontario. Everything about Zambia is unknown, except that my family will be there.

It's hard to get excited without anticipation, and it's hard to anticipate when you have very little sense of what will be. But I know it will be an enriching (and, I hope, life changing) experience which I look forward to sharing upon arrival in Canada.

But for now we continue with the preparations...oh, and a few more days of work.