Behaviour modification 101

Everyone has characteristics or qualities that they don't like or want to have. It seems to me that even though I can identify qualities in others that I find unbecoming, I can't find a way to stop them from becoming part of me. Simply not liking something about someone else won’t keep you from it.

When we were younger, my sister once called me a manipulator. I was highly shocked and offended by this accusation. After all, I was the sweet girl that everybody liked and admired. But as I’ve grown older and wiser, I realize she was right. Now, I did come by this trait honestly - I have seen more than my fair share of manipulation in my lifetime, but that is no excuse.

So, how can a person begin to eliminate ingrained behaviours (hopefully without any bell ringing or food pellet release mechanisms)? I guess being watchful for evidence of the behaviour and having others be on the lookout, too. Then, after apologizing for whatever damage has been done by it, rewrite the incident, leaving out the behaviour. The effectiveness of this method has still to be tested and I’m willing to learn from the discoveries of others. But for now, this is my proposed course of action.

I need to believe that it is possible to move beyond entrenched ways of thinking and acting. I want to think that the nature/nurture debate doesn’t matter in terms of real life because we can get past it. I hope to get to the point where I can help others in unslaving themselves from that which they were implicitly taught.

In the meantime, I’m sorry.